It’s a funny movie but one scene where the smiles freeze is Gloria’s monologue about the travails of being a woman:

It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.
You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.
You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.
But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.
You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.

I can feel her pain. But every time I’ve seen this scene my mind quickly turns to how an almost exactly corresponding monologue could be constructed describing the woes afflicting the modern man. Here is a good example of that:

Into this cultural context step three men who have written insightful and helpful books to help their brothers. I recommend them all.

First up is Donnie Griggs with Becoming Good Men. Why ‘good’? Because that reflects God’s original creational intention for men – and women. Why ‘men’ not ‘man’? Because this is something that happens best in community.

Donnie begins by articulating how hard it can be to be a good man, or find a good man, in our world. The rest of the book is then built around a template of what being good men looks like:

A good man embraces responsibility. A good man serves and protects. A good man blesses and encourages. A good man walks with other good men. A good man follows the only perfect man who ever lived.

Second up is Seth Troutt with Authentic Masculinity. This book comes in two halves. Part One considers four masculine virtues: Humility, Discipline, Responsibility and Chivalry. Part Two looks at five masculine roles: Son, Brother, Maker, Husband and Father.

Finally, there’s Bryan Mowrey’s Built for More. This is in three parts: Reject the Lies; Build the Life; Leave a Mark.

There is considerable overlap in these three books, as well as particular emphases each brings out. I like that they are very readable, very practical, and very hopeful. Each identifies the challenges faced by men today and then offers patterns and practices to develop that will help us be good, authentic, and built for more. I also like that each is written by men who embody what they write. Each of them are pastors, not academics, working this stuff out in the reality of church ministry. Donnie and Bryan I know personally, and can vouch for the integrity of their lives and ministries. Seth I have admired from a distance.

Each book would work particularly well in small group discussion, and each is especially helpful for younger men. Bryan writes explicitly for this demographic but each author clearly has teenage boys and men in their twenties in mind in what they have produced. Each book offers an unembarrassed call to men to be discover and live out real manhood, rooted in the example and person of Jesus Christ.

Modern society increasingly seems to view masculinity as problematic, associating it with toxicity and violence. At the same time levels of depression among young men are rising as they struggle with the mixed messages culture sends them about what it means to be a man. Donnie, Seth and Bryan give us words to describe what we’re seeing and tools to lay down a different path – a path that leads to healthy expressions of masculinity.

God has blessed me with daughters. If he’d blessed me with sons I’d want them to read these books.