The Face of Dismas

The whole of my life I have heard it said
That God made me dumb for being “half-bred,”
That there’s a reason for my dreadful face:
My father’s sin remains acute disgrace
For me, his only son. So I have spent
These years discerning all that Moses meant,
His tales of sacrifice and holiness—
A path to glory, roads of righteousness
For those like me, outcasts who long to be
Of better blood. Resolved, I faithfully
Obey the law in every thought and deed,
So to solicit alms I’ll have no need.

But in Jerusalem, work’s hard to find
When you’re not of the well-born, clever kind.
Of course the local quarry won’t refuse
The backs of those willing to daily choose
A life of hauling heavy loads. So with
Both flesh and soul I heave a monolith
Of stone and law, for I have heard it said
A man can change himself. And yet instead
Of transformation, I taste still the same
Dull disappointment sharpening my shame.
Excepting sorrow, I remain unchanged
And from ambitious dreams, all but estranged.

Until, that is, I chance to overhear
That on a mount up north will soon appear
A Teacher – or a Healer. Both, say some.
Might either craft impel me to become
At least the likeness of another man?
For I heard it said that this Rabbi can
Make even deaf ears hear and blind eyes see;
What sort of kindness might be done for me?
I have no demon, nor some leprosy —
Just my gray plague of inadequacy.
So with some friends I make for Galilee
To hear this Jesus preach his homily.

But any comfort I had hoped to find
Dissolves as vapor in my muddled mind.
This Rabbi’s teaching I begin to dread
And wince each time he says, “You’ve heard it said.”
For to the law he joins his own decree,
Each one a sheer impossibility.
“Give even to the evil ones your love;
Be Perfect as your Father is above.”
Am I to be like God? How can that be
If even lust is now adultery?
Upon my life it was a curse he spoke,
Condemning me beneath his weighty yoke.

Bereft of fortune and ability,
I plunge into a sea of apathy
And sloth. But I discover small relief
In the mild prospects of the common thief.
For if a king could steal the sacred loaves,
So might we dogs amongst the homeless droves
Find crumbs beneath the table of the world?
But in my clumsy haste, I’m caught and hurled
In jail. So forty days and nights I wait
To hear my sentence from the magistrate.
A lowly death awaits, I’ve heard it said,
For those who dare to steal their daily bread.

And so with trembling I’m brought to court
And listen as a clerk makes the report
Of my offense and also of the poor
Soul standing next to me, who did no more
Than take some bread and wine to feed his bride.
With silent faces we stare terrified,
Like reeds both bent and bruised and fit to break.
The judge but glares at us and I forsake
All hope. He reads our sentence from his seat
With vengeful hatred and self-sure conceit.
O God, the worst is come—I’m horrified
To hear it said we shall be crucified.

Next day the soldiers march us to the place
Called Golgotha and there mark out a space
For a third cross. With us, who shall ascend
This mount of suffering and make his end?
But hearing distant shouts I turn to see
The Preacher I once heard in Galilee
Approaching from within an angry crowd,
Obscured by blood and in a scarlet shroud.
I hear it said from someone passing by,
“His death will hopefully thus satisfy
The wrath of Pilate and the Pharisees–
For they won’t tolerate his blasphemies.”

With Jesus in between, they place us three
Upon our crosses, tools of infamy
And terror I know well. A group of guards
Soon pins us down by driving iron shards
Into our flesh. Hysteric now, I scream
Aloud and twist upon the wooden beam.
Once hoisted up, convulsively I lurch
To somehow breathe upon this wretched perch.
We shiver naked as exposed we stand
In cloudy shadow covering the land.
I’ve heard it said that there’s a curse for those
Who hang from trees, or so the saying goes.

For hours we writhe for breath and gasp and pant,
Until the other thief begins to rant:
“If Christ you are, then save yourself and us!”
But surely that taunt is injurious.
Our suffering is great, yet his seems more;
What sort of judgment is this man in store?
I shout: “To fates of thieves we two belong!
But I tell you that he has done no wrong.
My Lord, when you into your kingdom come—
Remember me!” And as I’m overcome
With grief I hear the words that must suffice:
“This day you’ll be with me in paradise.”

I cannot say for sure what Jesus meant,
Except that even now I should repent.
With my confession made, I hear it said
From those below, “Behold, the Rabbi’s dead!”
Centurions approach with pointed spear
And pierce his side as one in voice sincere
Cries, “Truly this man was the Son of God!”
But to another, he then gives a nod
To signify the time has come for me
To die. They break my legs below the knee
And as the skies remain still overcast
I close my eyes on them and breathe my last.
____________

When I awoke, I could not say
If ages passed or just a day.
But how to you can I relate
My first forays into that great
New land of weighty majesty
And otherworldly quality?
I stood and saw that all around
The earth with glory had been crowned:
Beside me lapped a glassy sea;
Just off the beach, there I could see
A grove of oaks with livened leaves
Applauding sweetly in the breeze.
But then at once I heard it said
In thundering voice overhead,
“Your time of judgment now is come!”
In terror both my legs went numb
As I collaps’d upon the shore
In gloom. It was not long before
The voice again spoke to dictate
My life’s details, both small and great.
For hours I wept as it revealed
The life of sin that I’d concealed.
Humiliations once complete,
I braced for death to soon repeat.
Yet there before me did appear
A flaming creature drawing near.
As I shrunk back in nervous dread,
World-mending words, I heard them said:
“O Heaven’s son, Be Perfect now!”
What came to pass next did somehow
Exceed the marvels thus far seen:
My body glowed in light pristine.
With caution to the sea I walked;
At my reflection there I gawked—
It was my face, but somehow changed.
My ugliness had been exchanged
For noble strength, none other than
The likeness of Another Man.
Then only did I understand
The meaning of his old command:
What I had heard as fatal curse
In Jesus found its true inverse;
What I could not do—happily—
My Lord has done it all for me.