Valentine’s Day drives me nuts. It seems to me to be a day driven almost entirely by greed, guilt and fear – and those three make very bad drivers.
 
Greed, because the price of flowers (especially roses) is hugely inflated for the day, and restaurants also cash in on the occasion by putting on ridiculous ‘romantic’ menus, again at inflated prices.
 
Guilt, because the only reason that men (and it is men – whatever happened to equality?!) feel browbeaten into paying said exorbitant prices for roses and dinners is guilt if they don’t, which means that greed is rewarded.
 
Fear, because it is fear that produces guilt. Fear that one’s partner will cut up in a seriously unpleasant manner should she not be rosed and dined sufficiently, or that one will not be regarded as sufficiently romantic or will be regarded as cheap (and quite possibly be denied sex as a result). And many men do feel guilty that really they do not love their partners as faithfully and fully as they should. So fear feeds guilt feeds greed and we get suckered by the whole nonsense.

It is nonsense you know.

Valentine’s Day is completely arbitrary, and any pressure to observe it is purely external. Real days of significance such as a birthday or wedding anniversary are one thing, but an externally imposed, arbitrary date is quite another.

Fortunately Mrs Hosier feels as strongly about this as I do, so we ignore Valentine’s Day for the commercial imposition that it is.

I would urge all other sane couples to do the same.

Men, rise up and claim your manhood! There is something rather pathetic about the sight of guilty, fearful men emptying their wallets at a florists to buy overpriced roses in order to appease their otherwise unappeasable better half. Men, if you are in Christ, you are free and don’t need to stoop to these pitiable depths! You will not love your wife more by bowing to the pressures of social convention.

Women, rise up and claim your femininity! You don’t need to exert control over your man by imposing guilt and fear on him. This only unmans him and makes him less of a man for you to respect. As a free daughter of Christ you don’t need to conform to societal pressures and pretend that there is something special about this date over any other.

Man, buy your woman flowers and take her for dinner because you love her, and as an imitator of Christ are to lay down your life for her. Do it for her birthday, do it for your anniversary, do it any day of the week you like, but don’t do it because commercial interests tell you you must.

Woman, make passionate love to your man, because you respect him and as an imitator of the Church you are to serve him and bring him pleasure. Don’t manipulate him or impose guilt on him over whether or not he buys that sadly wilting rose that the hustler in the restaurant tries to sell him.

The problem with Valentine’s Day is that it makes relationship all about the day, when really our focus should be about making all the days about relationship. For those of us who believe in God’s involvement in everything, and the supremacy of Christ in all things, our relationships should reflect this. This means that those who are married will seek to live out their married lives in reflection of the everything of Christ’s love for his church. Each and every day is an opportunity for husband to love his wife and wife to respect her husband. Every day is an opportunity for sacrifice, and purity. Every day is a day to celebrate.

This will mean that there will be moments of particular celebration. Just as the Church of Jesus Christ lives every moment in the grace of the cross but remembers this most particularly when we break bread and drink wine together, so the married couple should live each day in the grace of their wedding vows but remember these most particularly on their wedding anniversary. For the church everything is shaped by the cross, which is why we must proclaim His death at the communion table. For the married couple everything is shaped by their wedding vows, which is why they must celebrate their wedding anniversary.

When we see the all encompassing significance of our relationships, the greed and guilt and fear of Valentine’s Day is revealed as rather tawdry.

Of course, true love and real relationship only come at a cost, and this is seen most clearly at the cross. At the cross Jesus paid the ultimate cost for the bride he loves, in order to unite in relationship with her for ever.

It was at the cross that Jesus destroyed greed, because his was an entirely selfless act. It was at the cross that Jesus destroyed guilt by taking all the penalty for our sin and failure on to himself. It was at the cross that Jesus destroyed fear because by defeating our greatest enemy, the enemy of death, he has liberated us to walk in freedom before him.

And it is that which makes every day a day of love and relationship for the Christian, whether or not we are ‘in a relationship’. And it is why I feel absolutely no guilt or fear about failing to buy a Valentine’s Card for my wife – and the fact that she feels just the same makes me love her all the more!