You are like a mouse-dropping in the pepper! image

You are like a mouse-dropping in the pepper!

Following Andy Johnston’s colourful post on the lewdness of Luther, I must confess, I can’t wait to get into my pulpit this Sunday and try out some of my newly-discovered phrases! I’ve renamed this week’s sermon “You are idiots and swine” and have included a couple of choice phrases from the Prince of Putdowns:

“You are so stupid that it makes one feel like vomiting.”
“You are spiritual scarecrows and monk calves”
“There you are, like butter in sunshine”

and a personal favourite:

“You are a toad eater and a fawner”

I can hardly wait to see their faces!
More than rhetorical devices and sermon gimmicks though, the insults of Luther have been a much needed tonic to my soul. You see, I’ve noticed of late that I’ve been feeling a little too good about myself.  Let’s be honest, for those of us who possess superior intellects, looks, charm and winsomeness, pride is an ever-present danger! So I was thrilled to discover this little website where Luther’s greatest hits of insults have been lovingly compiled. Whenever I feel a little giddy on self-esteem, with a single click I can receive a personal insult that will remind me of my wretchedness and instil humility back into my life.
I highly recommend the Lutheran Insulter. Bookmark it. Cherish it. Take one a day; first thing in the morning. Look yourself in the mirror and declare “You are the devil’s donkey!” I guarantee, within a month or so you will be an altogether different person.
Now if only someone would take the time to create a ‘Driscollian Insulter’…

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