I have come to the conclusion that a short examination paper on the Christian religion might be very generally answered as follows:

Q. What does the Church think of God the Father?

A. He is omnipotent and holy. He created the world and imposed on man conditions impossible of fulfilment; He is very angry if these are not carried out. He sometimes interferes by means of arbitrary judgments and miracles, distributed with a good deal of favouritism. He likes to be truckled to and is always ready to pounce on anybody who trips up over a difficulty in the Law, or is having a bit of fun. He is rather like a dictator, only larger and more arbitrary.

Q. What does the Church think of God the Son?

A. He is in some way to be identified with Jesus of Nazareth. It was not His fault that the world was made like this, and, unlike God the Father, He is friendly to man and did His best to reconcile man to God (see Atonement). He has a good deal of influence with God, and if you want anything done, it is best to apply to Him.

Q. What does the Church think of God the Holy Ghost?

A. I don’t know exactly. He was never seen or heard of till Whit-Sunday. There is a sin against Him which damns you for ever, but nobody knows what it is ...

Q. What does the Church think of sex?

A. God made it necessary to the machinery of the world, and tolerates it, provided the parties are (a) married, and (b) get no pleasure out of it.

Q. What does the Church call Sin?

A. Sex (otherwise than as excepted above); getting drunk; saying ‘damn’; murder, and cruelty to dumb animals; not going to church; most kinds of amusement. ‘Original sin’ means that anything we enjoy doing is wrong.

Q. What is faith?

A. Resolutely shutting your eyes to scientific fact.

Q. What is the human intellect?

A. A barrier to faith ...

Q. Wilt thou be baptised in this faith?

A. No fear!