As time when on I became more and more suspicious of this judgement—I found that James said Abraham was a friend of God (James 2:23), and actually, he wasn’t the first to say that (2 Chron. 20:7), indeed God himself had said it (Isa. 41:8). Now, I’m prepared to admit that I’m far from being Abraham, but it made me realise that perhaps the idea of being God’s friend isn’t so crazy after all. Then I discovered that Jesus calls his followers friends (John 15:15). Maybe God was my friend.

Over the same period of time, I was beginning to realise how important friendship is. I was facing the reality of being same-sex attracted and the likelihood that I would be single for the rest of my life. As I thought about what my life would be like and took my first steps into adulthood and independence, I came to experience how important friends would be. They wouldn’t be an optional extra or a luxury; they would be vital, a context in which I could experience and express love and family even while being single.

Both these things were happening over the same period of time, and yet I don’t think I ever saw the connection between the two. To be honest, even a few years later, I still don’t think those two realisations were much closer in my mind. That’s why I’m so grateful for Drew Hunter’s Made for Friendship: The Relationship That Halves Our Sorrows and Doubles Our Joys (Crossway, 2018). Drew helps us see that friendship is vital for human flourishing—whether we’re married or single—and that true human friendship flows from friendship with God.

‘The greatest power for becoming a better friend is being befriended by the best Friend’ (p.15).

Friendship with Each Other

Drew starts by helping us see why we need to think about friendship. True friendship is something we have largely forgotten about and the way we live modern life makes cultivating true friends very difficult. In this, we’re going against the grain of how past generations of Christians have viewed friendship and we’re ignoring clear evidence about the importance of friendship—we now know how dangerous loneliness is to human health. And the importance of friendship shouldn’t surprise us, because friendship is part of God’s plan for us in creation, in fact, it’s a part which is highlighted in Genesis 2. We’ve often treated friendship as an optional extra, but ‘what if friendship is more like oil to a car’s engine that leather on its seats?’ (p.39).

Drew goes on to outline the six great joys of true friendship and what the Bible says about true friendship. Many of us, as Drew confesses of himself, will find that this beautiful vision makes us acutely aware of how poor a friend we are and how few true friends we have. Thankfully, he also includes a chapter with practical wisdom on how we can cultivate friendships.

Friendship with God

If Made for Friendship stopped at this point, it would already be well worth reading. But Drew goes one step further. He shows us that to cultivate real friendships, we need to know the deepest meaning of friendship.

‘What if we found out that friendship is the meaning of the universe, and that God, as a great Friend, is restoring true friendship to the world? What if we could view all our feeble attempts at cultivating friendships as little echoes of a more glorious reality?’ (p.116).

Drew gives a concise, but stunning, biblical theology of friendship. Starting with Eden, God’s plan for our friendship with him and our rejection of that friendship, Drew traces God’s determined plan to befriend us again, starting with key friends in the Old Testament (Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses) and then climaxing in the one who gives his life as the ultimate act of friendship, so that we might be restored to friendship with God, might thereby enter into deep friendship with others, and ultimately might spend eternity with our friends and the everlasting Friend.

‘In short: God walked with us in friendship. We walked away. And now he’s befriending us again’ (p.122).

The final chapter opens up before us the true beauty of the great friend, the friend of sinners. Drew gives the best answer I’ve come across to the question of whether it’s even appropriate to speak of God as a friend, shows us some of the greatness of this great friend, and shares wisdom on how we can cultivate friendship with him.

The Beauty of Friendship

There’s something really quite beautiful about Made for Friendship. This is of course true of the content, but it’s also true of the way Drew has communicated that content. It is a model of how to call people to something by highlighting its beauty.

This could easily have been a book that went on about how badly we do friendship, citing the ways and reasons that so much of what we call friendship isn’t really friendship, throwing accusations at technology and social media for the harm they have done. But that’s not the main thrust of Made for Friendship. Instead, Drew focuses on what he’s for rather than what he’s against. He helps us to see the beauty of what we could have, rather than the mess of what many of us are currently choosing. He makes us want what he says to be true and want to experience it as true. Those of us who get to preach and write can learn from this.

Made for Friendship will probably make you realise your failings as a friend—it’s a challenging read. It will also help you see how you can do better—it’s an equipping read. And, most wonderfully, it will help you see that you have been made for friendship, not only with others, but with the great friend, the one who pursues you in friendship—it’s a heartwarmingly edifying read!