Fit for Purpose
I could never see anything in church, at the theatre or at events; I always had to stand in the front row of every photo—feeling exposed, ridiculous and ashamed. Then one weekend our youth group went to a Christian festival somewhere. As ever, I was stuck behind the tallest people in the arena, trying to sing praises to God but unable to see the words on the giant screens a few rows in front, and I was fed up.
Suddenly, I began to picture God, seated on his throne, with Jesus standing by his side. They were inviting me in, and Jesus moved towards me to invite me to come closer—and he was exactly my height. He looked me straight in the eyes, without having to bend or crouch, without me having to tip my head back and peer up against the light.
He didn’t say anything, and the picture soon faded. I became aware of the venue again, my brother beside me giving me an odd look, and tears streaming down my face. In that moment I knew I was known, seen, accepted, loved. I was short compared to my friends, but I was the exact height God intended, and he was exactly the God I needed for my life.
I still have to manage my day-to-day life—bathroom mirrors are usually too high, I need a step-ladder to reach the higher shelves in my kitchen, and I still have to stand in the front row of every group photo. But the pain has gone out of it. I have never once since that day felt discontented, cheated or distressed by my height, or lack thereof. As he did with Job, God showed me who he was, and that was enough.
It doesn’t always happen that way. Learning contentment with my singleness was much more a case of what Eugene Peterson has called “a long obedience in the same direction”—a daily choice to trust God whatever my circumstances. We choose, day after day, year after year, to fix our eyes on Jesus, “the pioneer and perfecter” or “author and finisher” (KJV) of our faith (Hebrews 12 v 2). We remind ourselves of who he is, and we choose to believe that he is good, and that therefore, no matter how bad our circumstances feel to us, his ways must also be good.
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The above is an extract from my new book, If Only, released yesterday by The Good Book Company (thank you, Matt and Andrew for your earlier plugs for it - much appreciated). Due to the ongoing restrictions on travel and group events in the UK, I was forced to hold the launch event online, but it was actually really fun, and meant my friends and family from Europe and the US were able to join in, which they never would have been able to normally.
The launch included a reading from the book, and I chose the above, because a few early readers have already told me how much it has impacted them. That incident has been deeply significant in shaping my sense of security in who I am - it reminds me that God made me exactly the way he intended; I don’t need to measure up to society’s standards of success, beauty or anything else. I need to deal with the sin in my life, and to grow in godliness, but God made me in a certain way for a certain purpose, and wanting to be someone different is both pointless and unnecessary.
I hope and pray that many people will find the freedom of that truth, either through reading my book or through their own reading of the Bible and relationship with the God who made them fearfully and wonderfully for his good purposes and his glory.