Am I Gay? image

Am I Gay?

This is one of the most courageous posts I've read in a long time, from Bryan Magaña at The Two Cities (which is also, by the way, one of the best designed blogs I've seen). He talks about his journey with same-sex attraction - which, as I've said here before, I myself experienced for several years - and the taxing question of whether or not he is "gay". He writes:

The reality is that I acknowledge my same-sex desires. I talk openly with family and friends about homosexuality, especially as it relates to my commitment to Christ. More importantly, I’m honest with God about my struggles with same-sex attraction. I don’t pretend the feelings aren’t there; on the contrary, I consider them very real temptations. The only denial happening here is self-denial, the daily charge to take up my cross and follow Christ (Luke 9:23). That’s the calling of every Christian, not just those who fight against homosexual desires.
Does that make me gay? If by “gay” you mean attracted to men, then sure. For as long as I can remember. Ever since elementary school, when I told my playmates about my crush on the blond boy who won the hula-hoop contest, and even before then. I’m not convinced (and not concerned) if I was born this way, but it certainly seems as though I’ve always been attracted to the same sex.
But if by “gay” you mean one who embraces homosexuality and chooses to pursue same-sex relationships, then absolutely not. I’ve heard arguments that try to reconcile Christianity and homosexual practice. As a Christian who experiences same-sex attraction, even I’m not convinced. The Bible is clear: homosexual practice is a sin. So yes, I still have a moral problem with homosexuality. I still have a moral problem with lots of things that I do. That’s part of life on this side of eternity.
So am I gay?
Here’s the problem: it’s hard to cram a whole conversation’s worth of cultural context, theological concepts and personal convictions into “yes” or “no.” For Christians who struggle with same-sex attraction, the answer is really “yes and no.” Yes on the surface level (being attracted to the same sex) and no in the truest sense (as a new creation in Christ). So if someone asked if I’m gay, the best answer is “Kinda sorta yeah not really.” It’s a complicated answer. But so is the question ...
Why am I telling you all this now? Well, this isn’t your average “coming out” story. It’s not a celebration or a step toward freedom. That happened more than twenty years ago when I gave my life to Christ. I’m talking now because the world is talking. “Be who you are, embrace your sexuality, it gets better.” They have slick campaigns, celebrity endorsements and flashy bumper stickers. One thing they don’t have is hope.
Jesus is that hope. He came into the world to save sinners—gay, straight and everything in between. God reconciles us to himself when we put our faith in Christ, who died in our place so that we may be called righteous (2 Corinthians 5:21). That faith doesn’t take away our temptations—sexual or otherwise—but it takes away the condemnation (Romans 8:1). That’s the gospel. That’s a story that needs to be told. That’s why I’m talking now.
Since becoming a blogger at The Two Cities, I’ve written about gay marriage, the “born this way” debate, gay identity, ex-gays, homosexuality according to Jesus, and how to love gays. These articles weren’t just about theology and culture. They were about me. Someone who has studied same-sex attraction, yes, but who also experiences it. Someone who is kinda sorta yeah not really gay.

The whole post is well worth reading, and kudos to Bryan (whom I don’t know personally) for his courage.

← Prev article
Next article →