A Cold Take on Deconversion (from Josh Harris’s Brother) image

A Cold Take on Deconversion (from Josh Harris’s Brother)

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I've been thinking a lot about deconversion recently, and how we handle it theologically, pastorally, practically and spiritually. Of the various things I've read and listened to on this very painful subject, I think this excerpt is perhaps the most helpful. It's from an interview between Sarah Zylstra and Alex Harris, younger brother of Joshua (well known for kissing dating, and then Christianity, goodbye), and if you've been wrestling with the subject yourself, these few paragraphs in particular are worth your time.

Sarah Zylstra: When someone deconstructs, it can make everybody else rethink too like, “Oh, so you’re changing your mind on that. Should I change my mind on that?” And I’m wondering if that was stronger for you because he was your brother and you looked up to him and you were walking along behind him all the time. Did it make your faith wobble?

Alex Harris: It did. I think, inevitably, when someone you’re so close to question things, or walks away from who they are [inaudible], it raises questions in your own mind. And I say wobble not to suggest some profound crisis of faith, but just to acknowledge that, yes, any person is going to have some of those emotions and some of those questions and doubts when something like this happens. And I’m no exception to that. I think perhaps less for me than for outsiders who had no context and maybe hadn’t walked with Josh through the very difficult years leading up to this time maybe there was more surprise, maybe it was more of a shock. And so it was not as much of a complete shock or surprise for me. And there was, also, in the process of getting to listen and getting to ask and try to understand, I think a recognition that oftentimes these decisions are not attributable to one specific thing or to some intellectual question or doubt that just could not be satisfactorily explained or resolved.

We are whole persons, mind, emotions, physical bodies. It all rolls together when it comes to even these big seemingly life altering decisions and the moments that lead up to them. And so, in some ways, I felt a real sense of comfort in having conversations with Josh and understanding some of the factors that played into it, recognizing God’s kindness to me in that I very easily could have followed down the same path. Not that it would have necessarily led to the same place, but God in his kindness took me off the fast track as a minor evangelical celebrity and allowed me to do some real important personal work and growth and maturing and learning. And so there was a lot of comfort in seeing God’s faithfulness in that, but that doesn’t obviously negate the discomfort and the questions that come when someone you trust and love and look up to has those doubts. And I think it’s hopefully, like we talked about, okay to express that and to share that and to find support within the church when we have those questions and doubts.

He is incredibly loved by many, including his family. And he still has a pastor’s heart. Much of what he has reacted to are criticisms of, at times, a legalistic or fear-based religion that brings on various cultural baggage to the Gospel of Christ that is not really a clear command of scripture. And that critique from someone who actually still has a heart for the evangelical church that he has left is hopefully a message that those of us still in the fold can really listen to. But that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts or that it’s embarrassing and there’s a time to grieve over it. And then all of those are our emotions that I personally experienced as his brother, as someone who loves him and looks up to him. But I think the important thing for us as a family was just to say, first, there’s a knee jerk reaction maybe born out of pain for many Christians to say, “He was a wolf amongst sheep. He went out from us because he was never of us.” And the story’s not over. We don’t know that at this time. And so to avoid throwing Josh into a particular theological bucket, that was one important thing for me.

And the second was just to communicate my continued love for him and to listen and to try to understand, and that’s an ongoing process and I have a lot to learn from listening and seeking to understand. And so that’s a very healthy process I think for both of us. And I think more generally, as a church, you’re right, this is a trend. It’s not the first, it won’t be the last, and part of what makes it so difficult and painful is, one, that so many people have haven’t influenced or looked up to or had their own spiritual journey marked by Josh’s teaching. And that’s true for me, so I fall into both personal, family and the broader Christian community that’s been influenced by his teaching, to process that as it’s really difficult. And I think some of that’s just inevitable, but some of it is a symptom of a celebrity culture within evangelicalism and in the church more broadly where we do lift up skilled teachers and we do treat them like celebrities.

I’ve to a smaller degree experienced that myself. I thankfully found that off-ramp and got to just be another student at a small school and be a student and not the teacher for a while. But Josh never had that. He went straight from writing this best-selling book at 21 to becoming the heir apparent of a mega church outside of D.C. to becoming the senior pastor at the age of 30 before he’d gone to college or gone to seminary. And then he was the pastor of this large influential church that headed up this much larger network of churches that was very influential within evangelical Christianity. He was the figurehead, and when you’re the figurehead, it’s not just that you feel like there’s all this pressure, and I’m sure there’s so much pressure on him, it’s so hard to have genuine community where you can be honest about questions or doubts or struggles.

Because to even admit it is almost like a scandal within so many churches. And that’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic within our churches that the people who are in leadership, everyone who’s close to them is close to them because of their celebrity, as opposed to out of genuine relationship and there’s a lack of ability to be honest, a lack of ability to question or to doubt. I just can’t imagine that, that helped Josh when it comes to where he is today. And that’s only one part of the story. I don’t mean to suggest that’s the whole explanation. There’s a lot more that went into it and I’m sure a lot that I don’t even know. But just a reminder that our pastors, our leaders, our teachers, our authors, they’re all just broken sinful people just like us and they need to be treated that way, both in not being elevated to a position where their failures devastate us, but also not elevated in that way so that they are isolated and unsupported and feel alone in that.

That’s something that I think, as a church, we need to really think about and seek to cultivate a different culture.

(You can listen to or read the whole thing here.)

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